I thought I'd do a bit of a lighthearted post today, being a Friday and all!
1. Just how many times people's jaws drop as they say "how heavy was he again? Oh not even a bag of sugar", hence my blog title. It used to drive me mad, but I decided to "own it"! And I like it! More so that its not true anymore, and he looks more like a very big bag of spuds!
2. That there are crazy people out there. Shortly after Joseph came home from hospital this was on television, which I hadn't seen, what new mum has time to watch tv at night? An older lady came up to me in a charity shop and said "lovely baby". I smiled, and said "thank you". The she touched my arm and said "he's not real, you know that, don't you". I'm like "sorry, what?" "I know all about women like you", she said, looking at me full of pity. "Hes's a doll, he's not real". I'm staring at Joseph willing him to fart, cry, poo, anything to get rid of this crazy lady. All of a sudden he blew a raspberry and she nearly fell over!
3. Children will go and get their Baby Annabel dolls and compare them to your baby. And the doll will be bigger. And the kids will be amazed. And you will feel hurt. Draw the line at placing your baby in the Baby Annabel pushchair.
4. People will ask "where do you get his clothes from", and you will roll your eyes as you try very hard not to shout "a shop, where do you think?"
5. People will ask if your baby will be handicapped, disabled, retarded - pick your derogatory term. I would advise you to be quick, to say, um no I don't think so, but have you had that mole checked on your neck recently?
6. Some people will find if very funny to say "well I bet you were relieved not to go to term", or "gosh you got out of that lightly didn't you?" Its up to you how you react to this, I am not condoning acts of violence, but I'm not condemning them either.
7. You will, at times, wonder if your baby will ever grow. You will wonder if your baby will every "do" the next big milestone. People will say "Oh just enjoy them being little, they won't be babies forever". And they are right. Enjoy baby hood, before long, you will be living my life, peeling your child off backs of chairs, off bookcases, and windowsills.
8. You will hear fantastical tales of your neighbour's cousins milkman's little boy who was born 15 weeks early who is now an astrophysicist. What you do with your tales, believe or disbelieve, yawn, discard is entirely up to you.
9. You will find yourself watching shows about premature babies and worry about the calibration of CPAP taking a long time, or a baby's monitor desatting and wondering why no one is doing anything or worrying that doors of an incubator are being left open for too long whilst an interview takes place.
10. You will be on first name terms with your GP, and on the pharmacists christmas card list.
11. Embarassingly you will bump into people who never knew you were pregnant, and you have to explain. Or worse, people who think you still are!
12. You will get dirty looks as you feed your "newborn" solid food. You will feel like passing them literature on the weaning of premature babies.
I'm sure there are many more feel free to add your own!!
