Friday, 10 May 2013

And The Decision is Final and a Request

Thank you for all the comments on my pre eclampsia post yesterday which I received privately. Its lovely people care and took the time to message me.

I wanted to clarify something as I have had a lot of questions and comments. No one knows what will happen in any pregnancy. Particularly in regards to pre eclampsia, it's a very weird condition, it shapeshifts and alters from woman to woman, from pregnancy to pregnancy.

No one knows if I will get it again if I have another baby. However what consultants can do is a risk assessment. I have been given a figure of around 80% of recurrence, and my consultant feels I would have to deliver at around 30 weeks.

I am not having another premature baby. Yes, I am eternally grateful to the NHS, and to all the support I have received. But I think they have done quite enough for us in the baby department.

I am not mentally tough enough. I know everyone thinks I am strong but I am not. I still cry over our time in neonatal. I go back into units now with work and look at parents sitting by incubator sides and my heart just goes out to them. I could never go throught that again. Why expose our family to that?

All the monitoring in the world cannot stop preterm birth as a result of pre eclampsia. I would be put on aspirin as soon as I fell pregnant and that might help. Or it may not. I would get regular monitoring this is true, but it can't stop the inevitable.

Everyone has to make their own decision based on their acceptance of risk and ours is to not have any more children and to be quite frank, its not up for discussion. Decision made.

If I turn up anywhere pregnant I will have had an affair, as my husband has had the snip.

No more babies.

I am incredibly lucky to have a perfect little boy, I have more than what a lot of people have. Yes I would have loved a larger family and a sibling or two for Joseph, but it's not to be.

And I am happy. 

Now my request. The very lovely people at The Princess and The Frock have designed a dress for Matilda Mae with 20% of the profits going to Matilda's Precious Star Fund

If you have a girl in your life, please consider buying this really beautiful dress in memory of Matilda Mae.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for being so honest about everything!

    When I was pregnant I suffered with hyperemesis and all the way through I told people "I can't do this again". The only people who never questioned this were my family who saw how very ill I was and how much of a toll it took on the entire family... And my health visitor. Every midwife or Dr I saw, people I worked with, even friends would scoff and say "you'll change your mind" or "every pregnancy is different". And it made me want to scream!

    Yes, I too would have loved a larger family and even considered the possibility. But the risk is just too great. I have a good chance of developing both the HG and Cholestasis again. Our recovery has been so hard. I'd rather enjoy the one child we were blessed with than risk putting us all through that again. Especially as I have other risk factors I avoided last time but might not be so lucky with a second time.

    And I am also happy with this... Now. It's taken a while to process and get here, but I have!

    I think people find it hard to understand just what that risk factor feels like if they hacen't experienced it and so feel the need to "reassure" you that you could be luckier and you shouldn't have to change your plans for your family because of it. But when you've been there, you know in your heart if you're strong enough to face it again and that choice has to be yours and yours alone! We weren't affected like you, despite a risk to baby at the very end, I was only induced at 39 weeks. I am thankful every day that we didn't have to face prematurity... And I want to remember our luck rather than push it a second time!

    Sorry, I have rambled a lot. I just wanted to say how much I loce reading your heartfelt posts. Although our journeys were different, I recognise so much the feeling behind choices you have made through to what happened in your pregnancy xx