Sunday, 13 April 2014

The School Project I was Dreading

Through Bliss I met a wonderful family Sarah, Mark and their little girl, a couple of years older than Joseph. Sarah was explaining that her daughter had been asked to take a birth picture in to school. They had a discussion about which picture to send. I often wondered how I would feel when the time came.

My husband pulled this out of Joseph's schoolbag last night:
"Please could you complete the attached worksheet with photographs of your child from birth to most recent. We will be looking at changes over the next half term and this would be really helpful for their learnig. Please insert the photgraphs inside the leaves and the middle of the flower."

At present my PTSD is flaring up, which it does every 12-18 months or so. Cue opening of the floodgates and tears flowing. My husband sees Joseph's beginning so differently to me, I guess because in a sense he's detached from it, he didn't fail Joseph, I did. For him Joseph was always his Action Man, too small, but growing every day. To me he was a tiny, fragile little human, forced to do so much on his own because my body failed him.

And here I am again. I thought I'd dealt with the guilt and feelings of failure, but nope, they are still there. Take off the band aid and the wound is still raw. I am annoyed I still feel like this. And I need to accept that on some level I will always feel like this.

Joseph and I have had a chat this morning and he chose the next picture as his birth picture. Joseph hates the idea he was in a plastic box all alone, and has chosen his first cuddle at 3 days old.

He was very insistet that everyone be able to see his face. Nothing illustrates change better than that picture really does it? You can see his size, but its a positive picture. He was insistent any picture include at least mummy.

Joseph's story is a positive one, and a powerful one. He is resilient, strong, funny and happy.

 If these pictures amaze me, just how much will they amaze the kids and teachers in his class?

1 comment:

  1. Absolutely! It's an amazing story and I think the other kids and teachers should be amazed by it. I love the first picture he chose - it looks so positive despite what must have been a hard time