Going MAD at the MADs

Several months ago I was nominated for the MAD Blog Awards. I was delighted, amazed, shocked and stunned when I discovered I was a finalist in the Most Inspiring Category. It's wonderful to get some recognition for my blog, which is a labour of love. I don't earn money through it, I don't really do product reviews, I just share my thoughts, feelings and information with my readers. I have got a lot, personally, out of blogging, and getting feedback that I've helped others keeps me going.

So as the awards ceremony has drawn closer I have found that I am nominated alongside some truly amazing bloggers and mums (and dads). It's a vibrant, opinionated and caring community that I am part of, and I am really proud to be a blogger.

One of the perks of the awards is that you get dressed! I attending a fabulous event at TKMaxx in London.

Together with a group of lovely mummy bloggers, we had the run of the store, we were like teenagers again, and it was fab. I think the most wonderful thing about shopping with others is it pushes you outside your comfort zone, you try things you possible wouldn't otherwise. The outfit I have chosen is nothing like I usually wear, and I'm not 100% sure I can walk in the rather fabulous shoes, however will give them a go. I must admit to putting emergency shoes in my bag.

I have to say, I think you either a TKMaxx shopper or you are not, but you can most easily be converted if you fall into the latter category.

TKMaxx has some amazing labels. Simply amazing. It has the latest trends, not just in clothing, but I have found, in my time some amazing homewares, such as my simply wonderful knife set that I have had for 5 years and is still going strong.

I think the best way to shop at TKMaxx is either in a hurry, run in on impulse and see what catches your eye, or devote an hour or so, go relaxed, and with an open mind. I will say that you MUST try on. Sizes vary as the pieces are coming from different designers and from all over the world. A lot of the sizes are European or US and you may get a pleasant surprise in terms of what fits you.

I would also say, get to know your stores. The stores vary a lot in their content. I found the branch we went to was amazing, very high end, beautiful pieces, but obviously selected for the clientele that frequents it. There wasn't a huge selection in my size, what there was, was however, fabulous.

In my local store, Bury, they stock all sorts of amazing things, but have a massive, dedicated plus size section. Whenever I need something, either for Joseph, Corey, my home, or myself, I always try TKMaxx first. I recently got a gorgeous shirt for Joseph for a wedding we attended, at the fraction of what it should have cost.

In these budget concious times, TKMaxx is an amazing resource, and I know of nothing like it in Australia, where I'm from originally. For your next outfit, or even you next knife set or dinner service, give it a try.

The ceremony is tonight and I can't wait to let you know all the goss. And how I got on! In my heels!

Let's Get Physical - Exercise in Pregnancy

Image: Flickr/Frank De Kleine Coloring (Creative Commons)

 

I wanted to a post on this, because I have found with my friends there is a lot of confusion about whether exercise is ok in pregnancy, and whether you should do any at all. I thought it would be helpful to talk about this as it's one of the key points in Tommy's 5 point pregnancy plan, in conjunction with Bounty.

In pregnancy, as in every day life, the Royal College of Obsetricians and Gynaecologist recommend 30 minutes each day. What I really love about the Tommy's advice is that they know that for many women, this is a big ask, if you have other children, a job, and generally feel a bit rubbish and that the sofa to the kitchen is a bit of a mission, doing 30 minutes sounds tough. So they have put together a really fantastic little guidebook to fitting exercise into your day in manageable chunks.

Exercise not only helps you manage your calorie balance, it helps to strengthen and prime your muscles and  get you ready for labour and looking after your little bundle/s. The other really important thing about exercise, is its good for your mental well being and managing stress. I found at work, it was brilliant to get out in my breaks and lunch time for a walk. I worked an eight hour day, and did 10 minutes walk before I started, and a further 3 10 minute walks during the day. There was a group of us that walked together, so as well as exercise we got a good gossip in as well!

In pregnancy there's a hormone called relaxin which is released and makes your ligaments and muscles more stretchy and less stable than usual, so its recommended that by the second trimester you are careful with high impact activities and switch to more moderate ones, brisk walking instead of running etc, and check whether any class you go to is suitable in pregnancy.

In many areas there are specific exercise classes available such as pregnancy yoga, pilates and aqua fitness, some are free, some are offered privately, your midwife should have information about these. There is a lot you can do at home as the guidebook I linked to shows.

In pregnancy I walked at least 45 minutes a day. I used to do it in 15 minute chunks mostly, as I was completely knackered all the time. I also did fit ball exercises. I love fit balls. You can buy them cheaply (I got mine at TKMaxx), and they are comfortable to sit on and really work your abdominal muscles (yes you have abs, even if they are covered with lots of fluff like mine are)

I did some swimming, and was planning to do more as my pregnancy continued. I loved the feeling of swimming when pregnant, and could feel Joseph doing what I used to call "the flippy turny thing" when I swum.

I am aware that this blog is often read by second time around premmie mums, and in respect to swimming, if you have had an unexplained early birth, you should speak to your consultant team managing your pregnancy, as swimming is not always recommended.

Exercise is an important part of managing your weight in pregnancy, and I do put exercise and sensible eating down to my success in managing my weight whilst pregnant.

The Daughter I'll Never Have

This post is inspired by this week's Britmums Blog Prompt. Which is  If I wouldn't be judged harshly, I would say ________ out loud.  My ____________ is I want a daughter.....

"Dear daughter,


I do believe I had you once. I was pregnant, a long long time ago, you would be almost 15 now. I lost the baby, sadly, at around 8 weeks. I saw its image on a screen, the heartbeat had only just stopped, the obstetrician said. I had an operation to remove the foetus. I was bereft. 


I dreamt of you, about 5 years later, you were just as a 5 year old girl should be. You walked into a bookshop and came up to me. You asked me how many children I had. I said none. You spat at me. You were angry "you have me, do not deny me, you are my mother, how dare you?" It shook me to the core, and I still remember that dream.


I had you, but I will never have you.


And that makes me sad."

I am blessed with a son. I love my relationship with Joseph, and I am looking forward to that maturing and growing as he does. He's simply amazing, and a clever, emapthetic, charming little boy.

But I feel a gap in my heart, and in my home. I feel outnumbered. When I was pregnant, initially I had hoped for a girl, just a little hope, as my pregnancy progressed I was quite convinced I was carrying a boy, and had got used to the idea, but I still had that little wish for a daughter to share my life with. And it's the little things, shopping trips, girly chats, getting our hair and nails done together, just the little girlie things that would be nice to do with a daughter. And the big things, sharing my feminist ideals, raising a strong woman, having that adult relationship.

That shared gender is important, no matter how much you try to pretend it isn't, there is something special about the mother and daughter relationship, that I am never going to have.

When I see pictures of little tutus, or pink shoes, or a nursery all done in princess pink, I feel a pang of sadness that I'll never have my little princess. I can't honestly say that even if I had a girl she'd have a princess pink room, and tutus and ballet shoes, and God knows I loathed ballet classes when I was a girl!

I am blessed to have nieces, and my sister, and good female friends, and I have lots of virtual nieces too. But I do feel sad about it. And I feel sad that I haven't got another girl in my house, apart from the cat. My husband is so excited about taking Joseph to football, and to Diggerland, and doing blokey things with him. And I feel left out (although Diggerland does sound cool!)

I hope some day, some how, a girl does come into my life, and can fill that gap......

Starting Pre-school

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, or read my post about toddler separation anxiety you will know that Joseph has commenced pre-school.This post must have struck a chord as I have been awarded Sudocrem's Mummy Blogger of the Week! Britain's favourite nappy rash treatment. 

Joseph is only 2 and 5 months, and seems very young to be starting pre-school! It came about because a few months ago I was very much struggling, which I documented in my blog, with not having more children, and with feeling very depressed. My support worker from my local sure start centre had a series of meetings with me, and we decided to apply for funding for Joseph to attend pre school for 10 hours a week.

There were a couple of reasons for this, firstly to give me a bit of breathing space to get my head around things. Since falling pregnant I feel a bit like I've been on a perpetually moving conveyor belt and just couldn't get my head around things.

Also, for Joseph, to give him more opportunities to socialise with other children and adults. We do have play groups locally but they're only for an hour or so, and I am always there. I have been a little concerned about his maturity levels, particularly sitting still and turn taking, and this seems to be improving already!

Since starting nursery Joseph has begun to mature. The last few times I have taken him, he has toddled off happily. He is very pleased to see me when I collect him, but not desperate to come home. Somethng amazing has happened with manners. If I ask Joseph if he wants something he says "yes please" and then states the item, for example "yes please, drink" or even "yes please, bed". As well as manners, his new found confidence with speech is making it a lot easier for me to learn his needs.

His two word pairs are disappearing and being replaced by short little sentences, often around the wrong way or missing the odd word, which doesn't matter in the slightest, and its just so endearing. I love this little person who is emerging, and finding his place in the world.

The other thing I have noticed is singing. Joseph has always loved rhythm and melody and he's been completing lines in songs for a while, but hasn't spontaneously sung until last week. I heard this little voice singing "5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed", which was just so cute. He also does a mean rendition of "Pop Goes the Weazel"

The decision to send him to pre-school was a big one for me, as I've never left him before on a regular basis, but it appears to be just what he needs right at the moment. I'm still not sure I like the sound of an empty house, and I have to admit to being tempted to put Cbeebies on just so it seems like he's still here!

Songs I Associate with Pregnancy - Oh Mammy Musical Meme

It's that time of the week, Oh Mammy's Musical Meme time. Come and share and link up. I love this meme as at present there is no theme or restriction, but I have chosen to focus on pregnancy this week.

When doing my media interviews last week this song was in my head.

This song was a hit in the early 90s and during my pregnancy with Joseph when I felt sick and miserable, it used to pop up in my mind. Although, it is quite a sad song, as it is about an unplanned pregnancy, and the voice in the song is quite resentful, but at times I felt like this too. I blame the pre eclampsia. My theory is because your body systems are rejecting the placenta, your whole being feels just wrong, that its hosting some sort of alien, that's how I felt anyway.

I had always been aware of Sinead O'Connor, but it wasn't until my sister's Sinead phase that I really listened to her. I found I really related to this when pregnant with Joseph. I felt like everyone had advice, telling me how I should be. I found it frustrating, and this song comforted me, that it's pretty common to feel like this, and its ok to be angry and annoyed about it!. I did feel annoyed that at 36 I felt exactly the same as Sinead did at 21!

This song, Waltzing Matilda, runs deep in the heart of any Australian, I think. We all know the words, perhaps better than our national anthem. I used to sing this to Joseph in the shower every morning, with my hand on my belly. It gave me great comfort to sing it to him in hospital, and I still sing it now to him at bed time sometimes. I've chosen this version to counteract my two miserable songs. I really wanted to choose "Tom Traubert's Blues" but it was a bit too miserable after Sinead and Natalie!

Life as a Fat Chick

As far as I can recall I have always been fat. That's how I've always seen myself, which is sad. Because now, when I look at photos, up until the age of about 14 I was quite slim. Then it hit me, my weight started creeping up and up.

I even declared my weight on national tv this week, 19 stone. But researching for this piece I have discovered something, I am, in fact only 18 stone!!! I converted the kilos wrong....woo.

My weight started creeping up in high school. There were a number of factors. In Australian schools, sport is very important. I have always been completely and utterly useless at sport. I run like turkey, I look awkward. I can't do sports like archery. I have been known to miss the target and hit nearby trees. As for gymnastics or athletics just forget it. PE class was always an ordeal.

I was bullied terribly, which had a dual effect. It made me avoid group exercise. The other factor was I medicated my pain and social isolation with food. When I recall how much I used to eat, I am astounded that I am only 18 stone and not 28. I got into a terrible cycle of eating chocolate, crisps and cake.

When I was 15 my mum sent me to Weight Watchers. This made everything worse. I felt punished, embarrassed. I felt completely out of place. It made my overeating worse, if anything. It made me concious of everything that went into my mouth, and made me obsessive. But I lost weight and got near "normal". Then it all came back, and more.

Once I left home at 17 and went to university everything got worse. I had complete food freedom for the first time in my life and ate everything in sight. I lived on site in my first year, and all meals were included, they weren't exactly healthy fare and we had pudding every night. My sweet tooth got worse. And then there were the endless takeaways at weekend.

I reached 120 kilos by my mid 20s. I have had two periods in my adult life where I have successfully got down to 90 kilos, but it never lasts long.

The reasons are complex and simple. The simple part is, I eat too much and don't exercise enough. Easily fixed. The complex reasons are I feel comfortable at the weight I am at. I find clothes for plus size are completely adequate, I feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't even mind sticking on my swimming costume. However, as I lose weight, I feel frightened. I hate being looked at, commented on, admiring glances, it makes me nervous.

But, now, I have long term health concerns. I am worried I am on the track for diabetes. I didn't get gestational diabetes in pregnancy, as far as I know, my test was due at 28 weeks. I had a recent blood test and I am not at risk at present. So really, I have to do it now, to work on my weight and my eating and exercise. I know this. I already have essential hypertension, which may be due to pregnancy but who knows? I come from a family where this is quite common, regardless of weight, and I am now on medication.

I am entering into my 40s and becoming aware that old age, is really, not that far away. I want to see Joseph grow up, enter work or go to university,  marry (or enter civil partnership) and achieve his dreams. I want to be there to help him and to support him. I don't want to go to an early grave.

I need to lose the weight, and lose the monkey on my back.

I just need to figure it all out.

Managing Your Weight in Pregnancy

I cannot emphasise this enough, if you are obese/overweight and considering pregnancy or are already pregnant, please ask your midwife, GP or consultant for specific advice. Tommy's in conjunction with Bounty, have some fantastic information and I would urge you to use this in conjunction with advice from your own health professionals.

Tommy's 5 point pregnancy plan.  

I'm really passionate about this topic, and I really wanted to do a blog post to try and highlight why its important to eat healthily but not diet. I didn't know where to start, until I picked up today's Metro and saw this story. This mum was around the same weight as me and underwent gastric bypass surgery in order to lose weight. I'd love to blog about this at some point, but not today. Anyway, as it transpires, she was already pregnant, but did not know it. We know that obesity can affect the way contraception works. No one thought to advise this woman to do a pregnancy test before undergoing surgery.

My heart absolutely goes out to this lady. As a result of the surgery, her baby was starved of essential nutrients and died. She was born two weeks earlier in gestation than Joseph, at 25 weeks, but weighed slightly more.

And this illustrates the point I was making in my media interviews this week. Yes, obesity is bad, but eating healthily in pregnancy is so important and make a powerful difference to your baby's health.

We talked a lot about the "eating for two" myth this week. And whilst quantity wise this is true, we only need to eat for ourselves only 200 additional calories are required, and that is only in the last 3 months of pregnancy. Quality wise we are eating for two, and its important, when making food decisions, that we consider that what we're eating, our baby is consuming too. I found it much easier to eat well and exercise when pregnant. I will do a post about my own battle with my weight in a day or two.

Micronutrients are vital, and it is thought that this baby died due to a lack of them. Micronutrients are the vitamins and minerals that we can take in a pill and/or through our diet. Gastric bypass surgery, unfortunately, affects the way the body absorbs micronutrients, and people who have this surgery need to take vitamin tablets for the rest of their life. In pregnancy we are urged to take a multivitamin including vitamin D and folic acid to help our baby's development, but its important to do this through diet as well. Whatever is not required, in vitamin and mineral terms, passes through the system.

When pregnant, protein is essential too. There is some research that indicates a diet rich in protein may help with preventing pre eclampsia, but its not yet proven. But it can't hurt. And  the baby needs protein in order to grow.

When Joseph was born, several of his doctors took me aside to find out about what I ate in pregnancy. They felt he was very strong, and active and felt my diet had something to do with it, so this is what I did.

* I ate 7-9 different fruits and vegetables a day. This is in line with the Australian advice, which is 5 vegetables and 2 fruits. In Greece their "5 a day campaign" is actually 9. I personally felt it was important to eat these throughout the day so I'd have tomato or avocado on toast, then lunch might be salmon and salad, and then a lighter dinner. I'd snack on fruit or nuts (no history of nut allergy in our families).

* I increased my portions of protein. I tried to have protein at every meal, which wasn't always easy, as my body no longer liked eggs. I still tried to eat them however!

* I cut right down on sugar. Joseph would not allow me to touch chocolate anyway, so that was helpful.

* I watched my carbohydrate intake. Good carbs, such as pasta, wholewheat bread, brown rice etc were fine, but I cut out pastries, stodgy breads etc.

* I limited my caffeine intake to one cup of coffee a day during the week and none at weekends.

I didn't gain any weight in pregnancy. I was planning to increase my calories by a further 200 for the last trimester, however did not need to do this as I missed that bit.

In pregnancy, we are, in fact, eating for two, in the sense that our baby needs us to eat healthily in order to grow. We do need to consider the needs of our baby as well as ourselves.  I hope, over the coming days and weeks to do some more posts about the 5 point pregnancy plan, as there are some really powerful messages for women who are pregnant, and find themselves obese or overweight.