The House of Commons

I am very proud to be a campaigner for Bliss, the charity for babies born too soon, too small, too sick. Bliss has two main functions, the first is to provide family support for those with a baby in special care. This support is given primarily by phone, by paid staff and my volunteers. The second important function of Bliss is to campaign for better funding and for improvements in special care for these fragile babies.

Bliss, I think are fantastic, in that they encourage us as parents (and grandparents and other family members too) to carry out a lot of this vital work, and nothing is more effective than a parent who has been there, and seen the reality of neonatal care.

I was invited, along with many other parents, to attend the House of Commons and to ask my local member to attend. I was delighted that my local MP, David Nuttall came along, and listened to the message and collected the report, which I hope he has a chance to look at, alongside his many other responsibilities. I am very fortunate to have a caring, approachable MP and any nerves I had were quickly dismissed when he started chatting to Joseph about the dubious scaling of his various plastic animals. Joseph quickly turned the topic around to dinosaurs.

Bliss have several areas of concern. In these tough economic times, neonatal care is suffering, alongside other areas of the NHS. Nurses are being made redundant, or leaving and not being replaced. Bliss have concerns that many nurses working in neonatal care are not specialists, and this is essential. Just because you can canulate a 12 year old does not mean you can do so with a patient who is 12 weeks early.

Bliss also have concerns about the closures of units and how hospitals are going to cope. This is very real in our area, and given that, unfortunately, it appears the Fairfield Hospital will close, that we need to focus on how we help families in David's constituency cope with this change, and take this opportunity to make sure our fragile babies get the best possible care given the circumstances.

If you share my concerns, write to your MP. Bliss has made this incredible easy, just a matter of filling in the boxes and their clever system does the work.

What I loved about the House of Commons meeting was although there were suits, and important people, and all housed in a grandiose buidling, the day was all about the kids, running around, playing with the lifts, and the MPs who attended made it very clear that Westminster is about the people not the politicians, and made us feel so welcome.

I feel so proud and humbled that I have been to this amazing place.

And thank you David Nuttall for attending and I look forward to working with you on these important issues.

Blogging and Blagging - My Take

The blogging world is abuzz following this post from the lovely Sian at Mummy Tips, and lots of other bloggers are posting about this too. One of the best I have read is from Salt & Caramel.

So for those who aren't in the know, let me give a quick run down. When I started blogging I thought a blog was an on line diary and a place for me to have a voice. I had hope that people would read it, mainly my friends and those who have had a premature baby. I thought nothing more about it.

However, many Public Relations (PR) people use blogs to help promote the businesses they work for the products that they sell. They often use bloggers to write reviews of products. In return the blogger can usually (but not always) retain the product for their own use.

I have done a couple of reviews but not many. Partly because I haven't been asked, which is fair enough. Because my blog is reasonably bespoke, most reviews are not relevant. I am about to do a review of toothpaste and products around dental hygeine, but this is directly relevant to my blog as far as I'm concerned, and I was lucky to be chosen to review a toy set for the Wooden Toy Shop.

I am not against reviews but don't generally seek them out, I am usually approached. I am up front about my subject matter and am not afraid to say when something is just not relevant.

There has been criticism of bloggers who seek out product for review. I can understand that PR may find this annoying, but they can filter and delete. You don't have to read a "blagging" letter if you don't want to, just the same way I can delete an approach I am not comfortable with.

Equally as bloggers, we're not paid. We do this for fun, for interest, to keep ourselves active, and to have a voice. Why should I host advertising or write posts for nothing?

But funnily enough, when the question was asked at Salt & Caramel I do actually use blog reviews in my decision to purchase. For example, with toys, I know for a fact that The Boy and Me does very honest toy reviews, and she has helped me in the past decide whether something is worth buying. And an added bonus is that "The Boy" is a similar age to my boy!

Another review I trust is Lou over at Bloggomy  whose recent review of these pyjamas  sent Father Christmas into an excited frenzy.

So in short I do think reviews have value if they are honest and well written, and I do think its ok for bloggers to accept the products they are given to review.

I don't think its ok to use your blog primarily to get product, I think that's an abuse of the system, and the best blogs, to my mind, are ones that have fantastic content with the odd review in the mix.

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

Another of my blog posts about blogging, but I thought this blog prompt from Britmums was interesting and worth exploring.

Stats, Rankings and Accolades- Important? Worthless? Dangerous? Unhealthy? Inspirational? What do they mean to you and should the parent blogging world even bother?

I have never been a huge fan of statistics. I failed it several times at university level and am strongly of the opinion you can manipulate numbers to reflect your own bias. With the advent of computers and automation, statistics have become so much easier to collect and collate. On my own blog I can see how many views I get a day or week, month or year.  I can see where people are reading, even what browser they are using. 

I confess I have joined Wikio and Tots100 rankings. And I chose to enter the MAD blog awards. Yet here I am saying that I don't care about statistics. Double standard, much?

I think at first, when I started blogging, I just blogged for me, to put my thoughts somewhere. I didn't even know, for the first 8 months or so, that you could even see statistics on your blog! I had no idea you could see all this stuff. I also had no idea about joining rankings and things. I actually thought they were pretty irrelevant as I am not your "normal" mummy blogger. In fact I am not your "normal" anything. And that's ok.

It was at Cybermummy that I learnt a lot more about the blogging world and started to join stuff. I started paying a little more attention to my statistics. I think statistics are a tool, and they are a great one, providing you don't let them drive you crazy. I am not really competitive, there are some fantastic bloggers out there, far better than me. People who know how to take a photo, know how to design a page, and much better writers than me. And that's fine. I don't strive to be the best. I strive to be the best me I can be.

I find having access to information like statistics useful in so much as blogging is lonely. I like to know how I am doing, what posts people are reading, what they are commenting on. It has amazed me that the miserable ones get far more comments and views than my happy ones! 

Does that mean I would blog miserably every day just to get readership? No of course not. But it does mean that I don't shy away from the tougher posts because I know they help people. Forgetting the statistics, the most worthwhile moments are people commenting (either here or on my facebook page) things like "I didn't know it was ok to feel like that" or "I thought I was totally alone in this, I feel that way too". It's helpful for me as well, to deal with my own thoughts and feelings.

So in short, I think its ok to have all these things, and its a bit of fun. I haven't mentioned the award side, but when I was announced as a finalist for the MAD blog awards I was over the moon. I didn't even mind so much that I didn't win. It was indeed the taking part that mattered.

So, reader, in short, statistics are fine, rankings are fine, awards are great, especially with copious amounts of wine and good blogger friends around you at the ceremony. But they are not the be all and end all. At the end of the blogging day, its what you are putting out there, and how your readership reacts that matters. Better to touch one person in a meaningful way, than 1 000 views and no feedback.

Going Through Changes

This week Britmums have some great prompts, and I might do all three of them, as this month I am losely doing a challenge to blog every day in November. I haven't signed the pledge, because I don't want to put pressure on myself to blog just for the sake of it.

The prompt I have chosen is changes~what major (or minor) changes have happened to you this year that have made a difference in your life?

This year has been one of consolidation in lots of ways. Last year we moved house, which was a huge change, as Corey has lived in Ramsbottom most of his life, and I have lived there 8 years, to move was a big deal, but it was a positive change.

This year we've had two really big changes in our lives, which in some ways don't seem that momentous. The first one is that Joseph started pre-school in September. Because of our families living so far away, we haven't been able to leave Joseph regularly, and I felt it was important for me to stay at home with him in his formative years. However I was concerned that Joseph wasn't getting enough input just with me, and many of our activities have been curtailed, once children hit two there is a limit of what's around in this area.


So we were allocated some funding and Joseph started attending preschool in September, which has had such an immense effect on his development. His speech has exploded, his social skills are vastly improved and the way he draws and plays has matured. It is great to see, and I'm glad I took the leap. It was a big deal for me as initially I had aniticipated he would be with just me until he was 4 or so, but it was clear that wasn't going to work.


The next big change has been me returning to work. Although I got the job on my birthday, 3rd June, I haven't really been getting many hours until now. I only work around 20 hours a week, and most of it is evening and weekend, but it is just perfect. I still have plenty of family time and Joseph time, and can't wait to start seeing my efforts reflected in my pay packet! It will be nice to have a bit more living room with money, and to build up our savings again, which have disappeared!


It's nice that the changes have been later in the year, with everything that happened last year, primarily moving house and my mum's breast cancer diagnosis, I felt we needed to get things back on an even keel, especially after the big trip home in February. 


I've really enjoyed the impact these two changes have had on us as a family, as  to be honest, I was quite anxious about Joseph not being with me, and I was worried about the return to work aspect.

Change is good! Not as sure as its as good as a holiday, but it's good!

Autumn in Bury

I have a fancy phone now, with a lovely camera, and have been playing with an app called Retro Camera. Here's a few of the shots I've taken around and about this week.

These photos were taken 5 minutes walk from our house, how lucky we are to live in such a lovely place.

Memories and Flashbacks - what's the difference?

This is loosely clinically based, but it's mainly my own experience, if you want more information about flashbacks, or are having issues yourself please see your GP.

This week a couple of the comments on my Daily Mail article criticised the use of the word flashbacks and said they were memories and everyone has those. I wanted to attempt to explain, in the context of what happened to me, what the difference is, in the hope that it might help others.

We all have memories. It's what makes us who we are, the things we have gone through and experienced form a library, that we can use and refer to. Quite clearly not all memories are pleasant, some are painful, some might provoke anger or fear. We can, if we learn how, choose how we recall those memories, and how we react to them. Sometimes we put memories away. A very good personal example is my grandmother. I was exceedingly close to her, and still feel pain at her passing. I have precious memories of her, but I don't recall them often, as they make me upset. But at times I can choose to recall them and have a little reminisce about her if I want to. Most of the time they are shut away.

To take a step back, psychologically, we are wired to react to trauma. Our senses are heightened in order to protect ourselves. Soldiers, emergency personnel, doctors and nurses, are trained to pick up on sights, sounds, smells, and other indicators to protect themselves and those around us, and to utlise and improve upon their own basic instinct. In traumatic situations, this happens automatically. For example, in the Neonatal Unit we are trained to look for very subtle changes in colour of skin, respiration rate, the way the chest rises and falls, every little thing. Monitors help, but they can fail. A soldier or policeman can pick an insurgent or a terrorist by their mannerisms and body language.

A funny story about this, one day I was doing Joseph's cares in the incubator, changing his nappy, doing his mouth care etc. I also changed the probe site on his foot. The probe was hooked to the monitor that measured his oxygen levels, heart rate and breathing. A doctor asked if she could do his routine checks, and I deliberately left the probe off, as I knew she'd be moving him around. I didn't silence or turn off the machine, as it shouldn't sound if the probe is not active.

Anyway, she was doing her checks and the monitor started sounding, I looked over and the sats were low, the heart rate high, immediately the doctor said "Joseph's colour is good, his breathing is sound, I am not sure why the machine is sounding", as she carefully examined him, using all her training to make sure he was safe. I walked over, smiling, I checked her face and watched her breathing and said "you look fine too but maybe you should get checked out", and drew her attention to the probe. It had attached itself to her! She decided she needed a chocolate bar, a coffee and a rest, a good prescription.

What can happen, particularly in anxiety disorders like PTSD is that the mechanism forgets to shut down. Like the probe and monitor left on when not in use, that warning system remains active. Smells, sights and sounds can trigger feelings and responses that are unnecessary and an over reaction, quite different to a memory. So for example when my PTSD was at its height, the sound of a machine in the supermarket to my brain illicited a "fight or flight" response, I'd look at Joseph and make sure he was ok, and then we'd leave. Not only the sound but the lights would set me off too.

The treatments for PTSD, talking therapies and medication, aim to switch this off, to reverse the state of high anxiety, and to help the person relax, and live a life not plagued by these flashbacks and nightmares.

Toddler Television - The Power of Hana

I do try to limit television, but I find that often it's really helpful. Lately we've been watching more Channel 5 in the morning, as I have come to my Cbeebies limit, and Joseph now likes more narrative driven shows, and of course his beloved Thomas the Tank Engine is on Milkshake on Channel 5.

I came across Hana's Helpline by accident one day, and Joseph didn't take much of an interest. It's about a duck, Hana, who works in a library, and is an agony aunt. Children ring up for help and often she invites them around. Sort of like an avarian Gloria Hunniford!

A few weeks ago there was a really lovely episode about a penguin. He is new to the school, and takes his blankie everywhere with him. Now Joseph up until this point had been taking MCB (muckee coat blanket) everywhere with him, including nursery. It's become a real pain in the next, because it gets in the way. And just how mucky do want your muckee? And I can't wash it as that makes Joseph distressed.

Anyway, we watched the show together, following the plight of the penguin as he had this blankie wrapped around him, causing problems, he couldn't see to catch a ball, it got messy in art class, and the children teased him. I watched Joseph become upset. He gripped his muckee harder.

At the end the penguin has to join in a game of rounders to save the day, so puts the blanket down. And the lesson is learned, the there is a place for the blankie, and that's at home in bed.

Afterwards I tried to talk to Joseph about it. "No muckee stay with Joseph, no leave muckee, no no no". Ok. So we've carried on taking muckee to pre school. A few days later I went to pick him up and muckee was on the coat hook. After 10 minutes he left it to one side. Every day, the same thing. Then I tried putting muckee in his school bag. Every day I would arrive and muckee would still be safely in the bag, just where I had put it.

Now this week I have left muckee at home. Not once has he asked for it. And he is content to leave it in his cot, just like the penguin.

I honestly think that this show has helped Joseph! And it happened quite organically it wasn't planned.

All the Hana's episodes are on the Milkshake website, and lots of pre schoolers problems are covered, such as fear of the dark, bullying, learning to swim. I think sometimes kids need a bit of outside help sometimes, and if they're going to watch telly it may as well be helpful and educative.

*completely unsponsored post, just wanted to share!