Thursday 16 June 2011

Insensitive Comments

Just a quick post tonight. This article appeared on my timeline today on Facebook from a number of sources. I found it heartening that this issue is being addressed in the mainstream media, that having a premature baby is tough, its full of unexpected twists and turns, and it can be a very isolating and frightening time. And then on top, you get the comments.

To be honest, most comments from well meaning relatives and family didn't bother me. A few were upsetting "when will they know how disabled he'll be" etc, were tough, but usually could be rectified with some straight talking giving the facts.

The hardest were the randoms. I don't know if Lancashire people are just more straight forward than most, but I had some awful comments, and they made me scared to leave the house when my PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) was at its worst.

The worst was the supermarket. Joseph hated supermarkets because of the lights, I hated them because of the beeps and slidey doors and then randoms would come and ask intrusive questions. I didn't mind the ones that started with "isn't he beautiful" but the "what's wrong with him", "oh he's really small" and the worst "is he disabled" or my absolute number one please never say this to anyone comment "oh he could have died" were just horrendous.

A couple of times we went for family outings, just the three of us, and on a couple of occasions we joked about putting a hat on the floor to collect donations, we had that many people  stop and talk to us. And you know, a lot of it was lovely, it was really nice that people cared enough to stop and talk, but sometimes it became really intrusive.

And just how many 6ft 4 inch, rugby playing, pole vaulting, complex calculus solving, violin virtuoso former premature babies are out there anyway?


  1. My Husband was a premmie, born after severe PE at 33 weeks and weighing nearly 4lb. He wasn't expected to live.
    He is now 47, 6ft 2 and father of (soon to be) 3, he played football and was very fit, well until he meet me!!
    There are hundreds out there, it's just once you grow up it is never meantioned just how early some LO's decided to arrive.

  2. There must be hundreds. Here's my list...
    My ex, can't remember how prem, but early enough to count... 6'3" and all the rest...
    My cousin was about 3lbs, born at 6 months and is now 6'2"ish, works in IT and runs half marathons.
    My mum (one of the fittest 60 yr olds I know) and her sister were both well under 4lb.
    And finally, the closest thing to a sister I have was born at 25 weeks weighing less than a bag of sugar. She is fit, healthy and now a mother herself.
    I was the first non-preemie in 3 generations and my grandma, a nurse, was terrified to hold me :)