Wednesday 31 August 2011

If I'd Known I Was Having a Premature Baby

I wouldn't have put off that bump shot. I wanted to wait until I looked very pregnant, not just podgy. As a result no pictures of my bump exist. That makes me sad.

I would have spent less time thinking about prams and sleeping arrangements and newborn clothes, and more time putting a plan in place. It was so stressful when he was in NICU wondering when I was going buy stuff, and having to leave him to go looking at shops.

I would have enjoyed my pregnancy more. I hated it so much, and then by the time I started relaxing and enjoying it, it was over.

I would have researched breast pumps, supplementary nursing systems and how to feed a premature baby. I would have been better informed for the struggle ahead.

I would not have bought a single pregnancy magazine. They made me feel worthless and a failure.

I would have looked more into the realities of maternity and paternity leave and been better prepared financially for what was ahead.

I would have thought harder about going home. At around 14 weeks I seriously considered going back to Tasmania to have the baby, and sometimes I wish I had done that.

However, had I known, I would have been scared. I never thought I would be tough enough to get through having a baby in hospital 10 weeks. And I am glad I know that I am not strong enough to do it again.

I am so happy I did not know, and so happy to have my lovely boy.


  1. I feel like you too Kylie. It's always the what ifs and if I'd have known but sometimes it's better not to know because the reality and the enormity of the situation would just be overwhelming. It's made me a stronger person but I still feel anger, resentment and a longing to have had everything happen the right way. Wouldn't change I thing now though xxx

  2. Why would you have gone back to taSmania? For better medical support or family support?

  3. I too am the mum to a 'prem baby' (who is now 7) and I can so concur with everything you said in your blog. Well written and heartfelt.

  4. Love this post! Feel exactly the same about the bump photo. I have one, taken at around 4 months, but it doesn't show how big my bump got.

    A lot of the other comments ring true too ... but as you say we are so lucky to have our precious boys xx

  5. At around 14 -17 weeks I knew something was wrong but I was being ignored, in Australia I would have had private medical cover (I have it here but there's no private system for pregnancy and childbirth in the north west) and I would have looked for a supportive team. I also would have had my family around me. It's hard doing NICU when your husband is at work and you have no one.

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