One thing my husband and I have always had in common is a love of travelling. When we discovered we were pregnant, we were very much hoping, that although our budget would be somewhat constrained, we would not have to give up our adventures.
Joseph's first trip abroad, from Manchester UK to Australia, was booked when he was two weeks old, in ITU, strung up to all manner of machines and monitors. I must have been insane! I booked a long layover in Dubai, just in case he was on oxygen or needed assisted feeding via a PEG tube, so that we could renew equipment etc. As the day approached, and Joseph was by then 7 monthos old, it became clear that the layover would just be for fun, Joseph, was to all intents and purposes, normal!
So we travelled downunder and had a fabulous time. We have since done several local trips, including a long one to London to stay with a dear friend and her son also born prematurely.
We have just returned from an enormous driving trip, from Manchester to Germany via Dover and Calais. Joseph is a fantastic traveller, he sleeps well, he loves trying new foods, and he enjoys the process of travelling, meeting people and having new experiences. He is an absolute delight.
It's easier and harder now, at least now I don't have to worry about sterilising bottles, and lugging loads of stuff with us. He can drink with a straw and is the neatest eater I have ever met, so its not the end of the world if I have forgotten a cup and a bib. But now he is increasingly mobile, its ever so hard. He's not content to stay in the sling, or in the car seat, or the pushchair for any length of time, but the world is just not created for crawling toddlers.
Except German service station stops. For some reason the Germans, bless em, have thought of the tiniest travellers, gorgeous, well equipped changing stations, and large indoor play areas usually with ball pools and crawling tunnels.
I can't wait for our next adventure, again to Australia, in February. Just myself on my own with a 20 month old. Piece of cake??? Preferably Bienestick - Joseph's newly discovered favourite!
Friday, 8 October 2010
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Babywearing
I was dead against wrap around slings to start with. They looked so complicated, how would I ever tie it, get my baby in, sort it all out on the run??? I found a wonderful shop in a tiny Yorkshire village. They spent a long time with me looking at different slings. My first visit was whilst pregnant, and we had a very spooky conversation about the importance of baby wearing premature babies. Little did I know that just three short weeks later, I would have my very own tiny miracle.
Whilst rooming in during Joseph's last two nights in hospital, I took my sling, and practiced taking him around the ward. It felt normal, natural, and I felt whole again, with my tiny baby next to me.
Over the coming months I wore Joseph often, doing housework, going on trips to the shops, whenever I could.
Even now, at 17 months of age, Joseph is still worn, admittedly not as often, but still more than weekly. I have a fancy mei tai sling, its fashionable, comfortable and safe.
I was amazed to read on tweets today, the start of International Babywearing Week that in the US the practice of babywearing is under threat. What I love about Babywearing is the spirit of independence. All you need is a length of fabric and some knowhow. You don't have to spend hundreds of pounds. Slings are natural, they don't use a lot of carbon to produce them. They take up no room, you can put one in your carry bag.
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is proposing to regulate the babywearing "industry" potentially this could mean that cottage businesses producing slings could go bust, and that "slings" will now belong to big companies.
It's true that there have been some deaths of babies associated with sling usage. Surely education, providing instruction to users, and setting good examples is the way of the future, not excessive and punitive legislation.
Baby wearing is a traditional, safe practice. Babies die in pushchairs and prams, but they are not legislated against. Babies die in cribs and cots.. Baby deaths in accidents are tragic, and sometimes preventable, and education is the key, not banning practices that have been around since time immemoriam.
Thursday, 23 September 2010
Goin on up to the Spirit in the Sky
When I first found out I was going to be the mother to a premature baby, the first thing I did was go to the chapel at the hospital. Our chapel is very simple, but a quiet refuge in a busy hospital. It is also extremely thoughtfully placed right near special care!
I became well known, padding down at all hours, to write in the prayer book, or leave a little note for the chaplains. Funnily enough I didn't call for a chaplain to come to see me the night I was so frightened awaiting my c-section, because, this wasn't an emergency! Not in my head, I was just having a small early baby and to would be fine! Fine!
Anyway, having lurked around the chaplaincy service for 3 months, I have now been asked to do a talk at their conference. "Spirituality and the Patient Experience" is the topic, and its such a hard thing to speak about. The age old questions of "what is spirit" and what differentiates spirituality from religiousness float around in my head.
To me, the song that means the most to me in terms of my spiritual journey is "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2, which U2 have always maintained is a gospel song.
But I guess what we are really getting at is what do people in crisis need in terms of spiritual support. To me spirituality is wholeness, its supporting that part of the person that doctors, midwives and nurses can't reach. To me spirituality and hopefullness were tied in together. It's also the power to deal with the great unknown. To leap with faith, knowing that there is a cushion to fall on.
And that's what I found within the walls of our tiny hospital chapel, and most importantly, the people within it.
I became well known, padding down at all hours, to write in the prayer book, or leave a little note for the chaplains. Funnily enough I didn't call for a chaplain to come to see me the night I was so frightened awaiting my c-section, because, this wasn't an emergency! Not in my head, I was just having a small early baby and to would be fine! Fine!
Anyway, having lurked around the chaplaincy service for 3 months, I have now been asked to do a talk at their conference. "Spirituality and the Patient Experience" is the topic, and its such a hard thing to speak about. The age old questions of "what is spirit" and what differentiates spirituality from religiousness float around in my head.
To me, the song that means the most to me in terms of my spiritual journey is "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2, which U2 have always maintained is a gospel song.
But I guess what we are really getting at is what do people in crisis need in terms of spiritual support. To me spirituality is wholeness, its supporting that part of the person that doctors, midwives and nurses can't reach. To me spirituality and hopefullness were tied in together. It's also the power to deal with the great unknown. To leap with faith, knowing that there is a cushion to fall on.
And that's what I found within the walls of our tiny hospital chapel, and most importantly, the people within it.
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Ill-prepared - Life with a Toddler
toddler
Etymology: ME, toteren, to walk unsteadily
a child between 12 and 36 months of age. During this period of development the child acquires a sense of autonomy and independence through the mastery of various specialized tasks such as control of body functions, refinement of motor and language skills, and acquisition of socially acceptable behavior, especially toleration of delayed gratification and acceptance of separation from the mother or parents. The period is characterized by exploration of the environment and rapid cognitive development as the child strives for self-assertion and personal interaction with others while struggling with parental discipline and sibling rivalry. Of primary importance for the nurse is an understanding of the dynamics of the growth and development of the toddler to help parents deal effectively with appropriate nutrition, toilet training, temper tantrums, prevention of accidental injury (primarily from falls, poisoning, and burns), and childhood fears, especially anxiety as a result of separation from the parents.
http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/toddler
I am a reader, a researcher, I like to know my subject. When I was pregnant I devoured pregnancy books, magazines and articles. I started to read baby books. I was so excited about being mother to a baby. Now I am not sure whether this is a premmie mum thing, or just a general thing, or specific to me, but I am so not prepared for life with a small.......person.
Like most parents of premature babies, we found Joseph's beginning scary. We were given the worst case scenario, home on oxygen, PEG fed through a tube in the stomach - probably for life, and our first years in and out of hospital with chest infections. I spent the whole of last year with my heart in my mouth waiting for the hammer to fall. I felt so confused when this baby, who I expected to be weak and poorly, was just small. We've only darkened the door of the hospital for routine visits and a minor operation on a hernia.
Now my major concerns are things like coping with teething, dealing with separation anxiety, helping Joseph to explore his environment without a) serious injury b) giving me a heart attack.
Joseph is headstrong, charming, funny, frustrating, infuriating, gorgeous, lovable and kind. He is a person, with a strong personality. I don't know what I expected.....I was not prepared. I feel like I wasted all those delightful baby days being in a state of high anxiety, and now, I have a toddler!
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Properly One
I was really excited when I found out I was due on the 7th August 2009 with my first baby. My husband has a lovely niece, who was turning 8 on the 7th August, and she asked me if I could please please try and have my baby on her birthday! I suggested that closer to the time we arrange for her to come over so we could clean the skirting boards, eat curry and pineapple, and try to bring the baby out!
Unfortuantely, that was never going to happen, and Joseph was born 3 months early. It's only this year that I have really learnt just how long 3 months is! Joseph's "other" first birthday seems an age ago, since then we have travelled to London twice, gone to many birthday parties for friends, and generally been very busy!
And in these last 3 months, Joseph has changed immeasurably. In 3 months he has learnt to commando crawl, proper crawl, eat corn on the cob and chicken drumsticks, pull to stand, wave and dance! He has developed a very funny sense of humour, he is slowly learning words, and he has come on a treat since his first birthday, oh and grown a lot of hair!
I am so very proud of him, my husband and myself. It feels like now we can really put his beginnings behind us, there are no concerns about Joseph's health and development (well, we know for sure after his check up next week at the hospital), and everything is looking very bright indeed.
Unfortuantely, that was never going to happen, and Joseph was born 3 months early. It's only this year that I have really learnt just how long 3 months is! Joseph's "other" first birthday seems an age ago, since then we have travelled to London twice, gone to many birthday parties for friends, and generally been very busy!
And in these last 3 months, Joseph has changed immeasurably. In 3 months he has learnt to commando crawl, proper crawl, eat corn on the cob and chicken drumsticks, pull to stand, wave and dance! He has developed a very funny sense of humour, he is slowly learning words, and he has come on a treat since his first birthday, oh and grown a lot of hair!
I am so very proud of him, my husband and myself. It feels like now we can really put his beginnings behind us, there are no concerns about Joseph's health and development (well, we know for sure after his check up next week at the hospital), and everything is looking very bright indeed.
Thursday, 29 July 2010
The Art of Reaching Out
Today is our first local Bliss meeting. Bliss used to be called "The Premature Baby Charity", however is now more rightly known as "Bliss: for babies born too soon, too small, too sick" and encompasses any family who have had a baby who has needed special care after birth, for whatever reason.
When Joseph was born, I was desperate for support. I longed to meet other mothers who had walked this path, to know what I was thinking and feeling was normal, to have a cuppa with someone who could understand my anguish. So many other people "on the outside" couldn't understand why I was so upset, after all, my baby was alive, just small.
At the time, nothing was available locally, I used the Bliss phone line, and their Parents 4 Parents service, for which I am now a volunteer, and I used the message board, when I could bring myself to concentrate at a computer screen. I needed human contact, a voice, a touch.
During the time Joseph was in hospital my main support were the hospital chaplains, and I cannot visualise what my time in hospital would have been like without the chaplaincy service. A friendly cuppa, a prayer, a cuddle. The chaplains used to pop in and visit Joseph, sometimes when I wasn't there, and leave a little calling card to say they had been.
Sometimes, I find, that up here in the North West people don't reach out. I'm hoping to be pleasantly suprised today, however I am concerned that it might just be the "usual suspects". I sincerely hope I am wrong and people use today as an opportunity to reach out, and to ask for help, or have a friendly natter with somoen who understands.
And I am grateful now, that I can be that person, that I am no longer distressed and frightened, just a happy, if somewhat frazzled mother of a toddler!
When Joseph was born, I was desperate for support. I longed to meet other mothers who had walked this path, to know what I was thinking and feeling was normal, to have a cuppa with someone who could understand my anguish. So many other people "on the outside" couldn't understand why I was so upset, after all, my baby was alive, just small.
At the time, nothing was available locally, I used the Bliss phone line, and their Parents 4 Parents service, for which I am now a volunteer, and I used the message board, when I could bring myself to concentrate at a computer screen. I needed human contact, a voice, a touch.
During the time Joseph was in hospital my main support were the hospital chaplains, and I cannot visualise what my time in hospital would have been like without the chaplaincy service. A friendly cuppa, a prayer, a cuddle. The chaplains used to pop in and visit Joseph, sometimes when I wasn't there, and leave a little calling card to say they had been.
Sometimes, I find, that up here in the North West people don't reach out. I'm hoping to be pleasantly suprised today, however I am concerned that it might just be the "usual suspects". I sincerely hope I am wrong and people use today as an opportunity to reach out, and to ask for help, or have a friendly natter with somoen who understands.
And I am grateful now, that I can be that person, that I am no longer distressed and frightened, just a happy, if somewhat frazzled mother of a toddler!
Monday, 19 July 2010
Rooming in
When you have a premature baby in hospital, one of the rites of passage before you go home is the process of rooming in. Hospitals have a little hotel room, in our case there are two, in the corridor right outside the unit. These rooms have a tv, a little kitchenette (well a fridge and a kettle) and an ensuite bathroom. Your little baby comes and joins you in their crib for a night or two.
This helps the mum (and in some lucky units the dad too!) get used to the day to day care of the baby, the little noises, and to build confidence ready for the next big step, the H word.
This time last year was my first night rooming in. I was taken to the room with Joseph at about 3 pm. Joseph and I sat on the bed and just gazed at each other. We cuddled for ages, and then I put him down to nap. And I did things that I hadn't done in 10 weeks. I watched television. I read a newspaper. I had a cup of tea, with a tea bag, not some powdered rubbish out of a machine. And I smiled.
My husband was not able to room in, as our hospital only has a single bed, but he decided to come in at 7am to check on us before he went to work. He had an anxious night, waiting for me to ring, to say how nervous I was, or how I didn't know what I was doing with Joseph.
In the morning I was woken by my husband leaning over me yelling "Kylie!!!!" I had had the best night's sleep, better than I had had in eight months. I hadn't slept well in pregnancy, and I missed Joseph so much at night that I couldn't sleep whilst he was in hospital.
That first night, I started to heal. I had my baby back with me, and we would be fine, he would be home, and we would start our life together properly as a family without the stress and inconvenience of hospital.
This helps the mum (and in some lucky units the dad too!) get used to the day to day care of the baby, the little noises, and to build confidence ready for the next big step, the H word.
This time last year was my first night rooming in. I was taken to the room with Joseph at about 3 pm. Joseph and I sat on the bed and just gazed at each other. We cuddled for ages, and then I put him down to nap. And I did things that I hadn't done in 10 weeks. I watched television. I read a newspaper. I had a cup of tea, with a tea bag, not some powdered rubbish out of a machine. And I smiled.
My husband was not able to room in, as our hospital only has a single bed, but he decided to come in at 7am to check on us before he went to work. He had an anxious night, waiting for me to ring, to say how nervous I was, or how I didn't know what I was doing with Joseph.
In the morning I was woken by my husband leaning over me yelling "Kylie!!!!" I had had the best night's sleep, better than I had had in eight months. I hadn't slept well in pregnancy, and I missed Joseph so much at night that I couldn't sleep whilst he was in hospital.
That first night, I started to heal. I had my baby back with me, and we would be fine, he would be home, and we would start our life together properly as a family without the stress and inconvenience of hospital.
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