Wednesday 22 December 2010

Dear Bob

Christmas is approaching swiftly, just 3 days away. It should be a time of great joy, of sharing, of happiness. It is a day for children, for laughter, for celebrating life. But somewhere a mother is deeply grieving. I’ve struggled at how best to share this story. This story really belongs to the mummy who loved him, who carried him, and perhaps in time, Michelle can share her story here. 

I’ve decided to go with my initial thoughts, and write a letter to this precious child, that we will never really know, but whom we love so dearly.

Dear Bob,
Your name isn’t really Bob, it is Nathan. Nathan James, a beautiful, strong name, for a brave, beautiful boy.
I met your mummy through Bliss, your brother and sister were both born prematurely, born too soon, and had to stay in hospital. Your mummy found this very very hard, but instead of just forgetting what had happened and getting on with her life, she found time to support others, like me, whose babies have also been born too early.

When she fell pregnant with you, she was so excited, but so scared, that you might come early too. She saw doctors and midwives, she had a stitch, she had lots of appointments, and she shared her journey with us through the computer.

We felt joy when she and your daddy started to feel your kicks. We smiled at your nickname, Bob, and we were amazed at the size of your mummy’s bump.

Every week that passed, we were all so excited, it was a week closer to a “safe” time for you to be born. On your mummy’s computer there is a page called Facebook, and there were so many messages willing your mummy on, and praying for your safe arrival.

35 weeks came, and things started to escalate. Your mummy had gestational diabetes, there was talk of removing the stitch, and that you might be born around Christmas time.

But, my darling Nathan, it wasn’t to be. I don’t really know what happened, I know there was probably an infection in your mummy’s tummy. I know, that you probably fought very very hard, but so sadly and so tragically for us all, you passed away, and had to be born.

Nathan, I have seen your pictures, you in your daddy’s arms, him looking at you with such love and such sadness. You tucked up in a crib with your teddy, your perfect lips, your beautiful dark hair. I have used beautiful so many times in this letter, but you really are a beautiful, perfect angel.

Nathan, I don’t know how to help your mummy, I know the only thing that would help is to turn back time, for you to be with her, well and happy, and now her page on the computer is full of grief, of candles, of flowers, for the little boy who should be at home, surrounded by love, with your first Christmas presents.

Nathan, our perfect angel, we can’t make sense of what has happened, we can’t turn back time, but what we can do is remember you, is hold you in our hearts, and we can try, in our small way, to help your family, who miss you so very very much.

Sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace.

All our love

Kylie and the Bliss mummies


  1. Kylie - you move me with everything you write but especially with this. I have a friend whose little boy died and I don't know how to help his mummy either. Such a heartbreaking thing to happen at anytime of the year but especially at this time when everything revolves around families. Will be giving my little one some extra big cuddles tonight.

  2. again a beautiful post kylie, my thoughts and prayers go out to michelle xx