It's day 5 of the blog dare, as it turns out, people aren't following the prompts every day, the dare was just to blog every day for a year. I've ended up blogging a couple of times a day to accommodate the dare and whatever else I want to write about! But today's dare is working for me, so I will keep up the daily challenges for now!
When Joseph was in special care, I looked for blogs about premature babies, and I found loads, mainly ones started whilst the baby was in hospital to keep the extended family and friends up to date, and to chart the babies progress. I knew I couldn't do that, I didn't have time for blogging, I was flat out keeping up as it is. I also knew I wasn't in the right headspace, it was all a confusing blur and I didn't feel I could write cohesively about what was going on, and how Joseph was doing.
In the six months after Joseph came home, I became a mess. I was an incredibly difficult person to be around, although everyone was very kind to me and no one said as much, but I felt difficult! I cried.....all the time. I was bitter. I could only dwell on what had happened, I had no empathy for others anymore, which is so not like me. I was angry. How could this have happened to me? And I was full of blame.
Once I started on my wonder drug (oh how I love thee citalopram!) I started to feel better slowly but it was a long time before I got my perspective and empathy back. When I started this blog in February 2010 it was purely as a catharsis, however, once I wrote my second post about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I knew that my blog could be more than just me regurgitating my experiences, and that other mums could be supported and helped through my blog, and starting their own.
I hope in 2011 that I can raise the bar, and become more widely read, and perhaps start working with sponsors to raise the profile of babies born prematurely, mum's who have had traumatic birth experiences, and just general parenting issues especially parenting sustainably (cloth nappies etc)
I love to blog, and I really want to get better at it, that's my challenge.