Thursday 18 August 2011

How To Throw a Pity Party

Sometimes when things don't work out, you need to grieve. And sometimes, you need permission. So if your upset, disappointed, and not sure what to do next, throw a pity party. It works wonders for me! Sometimes you need to let yourself have space, head space, to think things through and to get your perspective back. 

First set a time. I think if you are going to have a self indulgent woe is me party, you should set a time. An evening, a day, even a week, give yourself space to grieve or to stress, whatever it is. But make sure you set an end date and time.

Next find a venue. It might be a blog post, or ten, a real or virtual letter to someone who has aggrieved you, that you may or may not post/email. It might be a real party, with wine, nibbles, or a full on chocolate cake. It might be something you share, like my divorce party. It might be something you do with your nearest and dearest.

Any good party needs good catering. Consider what your favourite foods are, your favourite drinks, it might be something that makes you feel better, it might even be something that is healthy, like a giant fruit salad, or even a lovely smoothie. It might be the best chocolate, a fine wine, or even something from your childhood. When times are tough I find myself craving a hot Milo made by my dad.

Focus on what it is that is upsetting you. Give yourself permission to feel the feelings, to cry, to feel sorry for yourself, to feel anger. Talk about it, write it down, let it out. Don't let it fester and eat you up, really let it out. It's ok. Sometimes life is crap. It may well be even worse for Person B, that's ok, it doesn't minimise your own feelings, they can have their own party if they need to. You could even help them. Give them the permission they need to really get to the heart of their feelings.

There is a time to "keep calm and carry on". Life goes on. Bad things happen and we have to work through them, and learn to cope. But we also need to give ourselves space in which to process what has happened and absorb the impact.

I've found that over the past few weeks I have a new lightness from sharing the post "RAGS to Riches". For me, it was important to get that out, but to focus on the positive, of finding a way to process those negative emotions and to find the happiness and joy again.

For those of you that attended my party, sent a message, a positive thought, a virtual hug, thank you.

I now have my sparkle back. For now.


  1. Glad to hear it. :) But remember am always here if you need me. x

  2. a hot milo?

    glad you are sparkling once more x

  3. it's like ovaltine but 100x yummier, but you have to be careful as the one you get here is often from Kenya and resembles mouse droppings. It's also a Nestle product, so I just do without. Besides, it never tastes the same as dad's.

  4. In the shower is an excellent venue for a solo pity party.

  5. I never thought of that, because we only have a bath! And I don't think a bath works as well, but shower definitely, noise to drown out crying, water to rinse away your tears - perfect!