An Antipodean Foodie Penpal

My friend Stacey from Nobody Said it Was Easy was chatting about Foodie Penpals a month or so back. I had never heard of it, and then found more bloggers doing this great fun thing. You send a parcel of food no more than £10 to a fellow foodie lover. They then send to someone else, it's not a swap, so its loads of fun. You get to find out more about someone and discover a new blog too. It's great. If you want to know more and join in the fun the details can be found at Rock Salt.

I was very fortunate to be given Emma from Adventures of a London Kiwi (sadly she didn't send me macaroons!) a fellow Antiopdean no less, which was very exciting. Emma has the best blog header graphic I have ever seen, I absolutely love it, and I adore her blog. I am always jealous of blogs with great photography. Especially macaroon pictures. Emma took great care in reading my blog and sent me the most amazing package! My husband picked it up for me one night when I was working, so I was greeted by this at 11pm one Wednesday night.

Isn't the wrapping paper just the cutest, beer with candles!

 

Inside the box was a hand written note and the following goodies:

Marshmallow Fluff
Gluten free Marshmallows
Pear and kiwi crisps
Apple and kiwi crisps
Gluten free rice and corn macaroni
2 mini whisks

I had told Emma that I preferred sweet over savoury, and she had read my blog and learned of my IBS diagnosis, hence the gluten free pasta (although its also a favourite of hers and she isn't gluten free). I loved my box especially the dried fruit and the Marshmallow Fluff. I had been dying to try the Fluff, but never had gotten around to it!

It was such a thoughtful box, and Emma was a fabulous person to be matched with for my first time around!

Looking forward to next month already!

Optimism and Craziness in the NICU

When Joseph was about to be born, I felt optimistic. The obstetric team told me we would get a good outcome, they would deliver a live baby, and although the journey would be long, there was no reason to think we would not bring him home.

I am so glad I didn't know what I know now. I think what they told me, although happily was correct, was very dangerous. But hey ho. I put my Pollyanna head on and away I went.

I had a dilemma early on. What to do about my parents? My parents live in Tasmania, I live in Bury England. My mum and dad are pensioners and are not young, my dad is considerably older than my mum. Do I ask them to come over or not?

I talked it over with mum, and I decided against it. It's a very long way, and mum had made the trek just the previous year for my wedding. Dad was in his early 80's at the time, and has a number of conditions that make flying tricky, so would have to stay home. We agreed, it was too much of an ask, so we would come over to Australia as a family when Joseph was well.

Joseph was still under 2lb and in an incubator when I started making enquiries. I found good flights, and decided on a two night stay in Dubai on the way there, and one night on the way back. I was told Joseph might be discharged on oxygen and with a feeding tube, so I thought a stop over would be good to renew giving sets, recharge batteries, and if it was all a disaster, two nights to organise emergency flights home.

I asked a few of Joseph's doctors and most of them agreed that after Christmas, when Joseph would be 7 months old should be achievable.

It seems nuts now, but when Joseph was just 17 days old I booked that trip. I was very lucky to have understanding insurers who covered Joseph as is and didn't bother about the fact he was in hospital.

Having that trip booked kept me going. I had a kangaroo vest in 0-3 bought for his journey over. I took it in every Friday to show him how much he had to grow.

I recall one of the nurses saying to me "what if he's not fit to fly, what if the airline won't allow him to fly", and I calmly said "it will all work out, everything always does."

As each week passed Joseph got a little bigger, a little stronger, and the complications got fewer and farther between. I held out hope that we would make it on to that flight on the 6th January.

Days came and went, weeks came and went, months went by. None of the first consultant's opinons were correct. Joseph was not PEG fed, he had bottles and mush and sticks of food like any other 7 month old, and breathed the air that we do without any assistance.

That medical stop over became a very nice stop over, with a lovely hotel and a desert safari. And finally, we got "home" to mum and dad.

It was a funny trip. Joseph still looked like a newborn, I recall a father and his 8 year old daughter looking at me with horror as I fed him a soft roll on the plane. On the way home a very exotic woman, with limited English, stopped me at Abu Dhabi airport and said "cute baby, how old?", when I replied "oh he's now 8 months!" she looked in horror and said "he is very small, you take him to doctor when you get home" Not wanting to explain prematurity it in pidgin English I just smiled and agreed.

I am so glad I still had my innocence way back when Joseph was born. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.

And in this case it paid off.

Seven Deadly Sins - Envy

Many moons ago Britmums had a Seven Deadly Sins blog prompt. At the time I was probably busy being Pollyanna and didn't make time to do a post, maybe I wasn't feeling it at the time. Who knows? But the time has come.

Envy.

Green with envy.

And its eating me up inside. When I was little I couldn't wait to be a mummy. My sister says I didn't play with my toys, I mothered them. I wanted to have my first child by 25 and be done with my 3 or 4 children by 30.

I didn't account for not being very good at pregnancy (or selecting male partners for that matter!). I had no idea that complications like miscarriage and then pre eclampsia would try to rob me of what I wanted most, to be a mummy. And don't worry, dear reader, I do count my blessings every single day for what I have, a perfect, healthy little boy. And yes, I do know that there are people out there who haven't got a baby at all, please don't make me feel any worse than I do.

But this envy is just eating me up from the inside out, and its awful. I don't know whether you've noticed, but there is a blogger baby boom at the moment. Gorgeous announcement photos and scan pictures appear everywhere. Joseph is asking every day for a baby.

I am genuinely happy for people when they fall pregnant, with number 2, 3, 4 or 5. But I can't help the little green monster voice "this is unfair, this should be you."

I feel like my life has been dictated to by pre eclampsia, by this evil shapeshifting illness. The pre eclampsia left me as soon as my baby was removed from me, but the ramifications remain long after the magnesium sulphate drip is removed.

All my body wants is to be pregnant again. Troublefree of course, with a lovely fat term baby at the end, who comes home with us. It's a fantasy that will never happen. But a fantasy that is reality for others, which strikes me as being utterly unfair. Why me? Why us? My husband puts a brave face on it, but he's feeling it too. We just want another child. Is that so very much to ask?

When I am not feeling sad and envious I try to use my time positively. I am knitting more and more, I have made a gold scarf, more than half a baby blanket and am just finishing a nice warm scarf for me, with more projects in the pipeline (stay tuned for knitting week!) I blog, and support others. I also do my work for Tommy's.

Because I am not alone. There are thousands of women being dictated too by pregnancy complications, who can't choose the family size they want, who haven't got a baby to hold at all.

Research is key, but so is support.

I guess I will always live with this envy, I doubt it will ever completely go away.

But I do wish it would.

#whenIgrowup Baby and Toddler Event at ASDA

The ASDA Baby and Toddler Event is running from 27 August to 16 September. ASDA are aiming to raise £100 000 for Tommy's the baby charity. This is a great time to help Tommy's and save money too!

Joseph loves nothing more than playing doctors. He says when he grows up he is going to be a baby doctor and help the sick babies get better.

Here is my little doctor at work, giving the babies their medicine. That carrot is, actually, a cpap tube to help the baby with their breathing. I am amazed at the level of detail Joseph goes in to! He seems to know a lot about neonatal baby care, so who knows? Maybe he will, in fact be a doctor. Just as well we're increasing his Child Trust Fund every year!

Joseph must realise that he is here today because of the amazing doctors, nurses and other medical staff who helped him. I was on first name terms with the pharmacist, audiologist and health care assistants! But Joseph is also here because of Tommy's.

When I was little all I ever really wanted was to be a mummy. I had had miscarriages, weird diagnoses, and finally carried Joseph but only to 27 weeks. There are brilliant pre eclampsia protocols in place, based on medical research, and this research, thanks to organisations like Tommy's, is ongoing, and improvements are being made to baby care all the time as a result.

However the miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth rates in this country remain unacceptably high. I am of the belief that research, and carrying this research through into the care of pregnant women, is key to reducing this.

Every mother and father has an expectation that they will see that little image on the ultrasound screen be born, take their first steps, speak their first words, and achieve their dreams. Sadly this is often not the case.

Simply by choosing to buy your baby goods at Asda in the next few weeks, you could help mums and dads like us bring their babies home.

Thank you.

Permission to Parent

I have a growing community of bloggers who have experienced NICU, most of whom have guest posted for me. I hope over the coming weeks that I will be sharing more from them, as I would love nothing more than to build this community, as we are all so different, all with amazingly different viewpoints. Having a premature baby or sick baby has united us, but its our friendship and unique trench humour that has made us strong I think.

Yesterday I did this guest post at Mummy Pinkwellies. Of course Leanna over at Diary of a Premmy Mum had to go and pinch half the title, and even worse, write a better post! I jest of course, I love how we bounce and share ideas off one another.

I find I often can't explain why the NICU experience hurt so much. Sometimes parents who haven't been through NICU just can't understand the emotions that go along with having a premature baby. These thoughts have been bubbling away for a while.

When you have a term baby, you have a large degree of autonomy straight away. You are making decisions (often scary ones) immediately. I can't imagine what that must be like. How to feed, when to feed, how much to listen to your baby or your own instinct, how to dress, how to sleep your baby, so many decisions.

When you have a premature baby, or a sick baby, you immediately become disempowered as a parent. Your baby is taken away and put in a box, and that's it. Yes, you express if you can, but you can make absolutely no decisions about the basic care of your baby.

Of course, its medically necessary, and I'm not saying for a moment that it isn't. The premature baby needs specialist input, the baby needs the charts, the protocols, the procedures.

As your journey with your premature baby progresses, you are an integral part of the babies care, but there's a barrier. You have to ask permission. You have to fit in with the hospital's guidelines and protocols. It can be sould destroying. Nurse A may let you have kangaroo care whenever you want, nurse B may not. The head nurse of our unit wanted Joseph's monitoring turned off for kangaroo care so that a) I was learning Joseph's cues and b) trusting my instincts and c) the machine wasn't giving off false readings every 2 minutes. But this scared most of the other staff and would not allow me to switch it off.

I, like many other mothers of former NICU babies, really struggled when home. Should I pick him up if he cried? He seems hungry but feed time isn't due yet what do I do? He's unsettled, is he being a normal baby or is there something wrong?

A good unit will work to empower mums and dads early on, but this practice is not yet widespread.

Perhaps the key then is good, sound peer support and empower one another to parent.

You have my permission to parent your baby.

The Secret Language of a 3 Year Old and some Bits and Bobs

Joseph's language never ceases to amaze me. I love the way he talks, his hilarious little accent which is a combination of Lancashire, Bury and Aussie. I love that he still has little quirks that only we understand. 

"Mummy?" a litte voice says, standing next to me as I switch on the computer. "I want to speak to grandma in oo garden".
"Yes Joseph of course, lets take a look and see if she's there". I find oo garden and click video call, and there she is.
"Grandma! Grandma!" Joseph shouts excitedly, "You are here in oo garden!"
Oo garden = Skype

"I really want to go the summer house mummy, then we can play at the pirate play ground and go swimming and eat icecream", Joseph says excitedly. "Can we go? Please please please?"
Summer house = the house in Great Yarmouth owned by my in laws. We also have the German summer house, their home in Germany.

"Let's go to the football house mummy, it's fun!"
The football house is the pub down the road with a beer garden, climbing frame and bouncy castle!

"Mummy its Friday, should we go to the cafe or have chicken bucket? We could go to a normal cafe/
Cafe = Macdonalds; Chicken Bucket = KFC and a normal cafe is any eating place that isn't either of the previously mentioned establishments

"Mummy I am trying to play, go away! Get back to your cannerpoo and leave me alone!"
Cannerpoo = computer

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I currently have a guest post over at Mummy Pinkwellies today, and would love if you could check it out and perhaps comment. K is a dear blogging friend, I love her blog, and it would be great to see you all over there. Leanna at Diary of a Premmy Mum has written an amazing post in a similar vein and I want you all to read it, please!

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I would love to get some feedback about my blog and where you would like to see it going, what sort of posts and features would you like to see. I feel I need a bit of a change in direction and would love some feedback from you, my readers, about what you would like to read, what sort of topics you would like me to cover etc.

Thank you all for your continued support.

Back to School with George at ASDA

CHOSEN BY MUMS; TESTED BY KIDS; GUARANTEED BY GEORGE

Joseph has been attending our local preschool since last September. This year he will now be a big boy attending 5 mornings a week. When the kind people asked me to look at their uniform range, I was more than happy to. I am wanting to send Joseph more formally dressed this year to get him used to wearing a uniform.

We were given £20 to spend, with which I bought  a pack of two polo shirts, some brown trousers with adjustable waist, a blue jumper and a winter, fleece lined coat (which Joseph steadfastly refused to model on the basis that "it's summer mummy". I have to confess to shedding a tear to see him so at home in such formal school wear, another reminder that my little dinky dot is growing up fast.

From a premmie mum point of view I am impressed that the trousers fit, as did everything else. The smallest size was 3-4 years, and they fit fine. They could do with being taken up a little, but if you have a skinny minny like me, definitely try George at ASDA. Joseph also said "my new clothes are very comfortable mummy".

We were also given a plain bag to decorate and go wild with. Joseph is not into design yet, but I have to say, I quite like his Impressionist piece and he certainly had oodles of fun doing it! I think the use of colour, brushes and different techniques is most impressive, and you can certainly see it is all his own work! I resisted the allure of a blank canvas (bag) but might just seek my own out......

I was given a £20 allowance to spend online on the George at ASDA Back to School range as well as the canvas bag and some paints and crayons. All opinions are my own (and Joseph's!)